Facebook: Friend or Foe?

When my 12-year-old daughter started high school, she got her first proper mobile phone. 

3 months into high school life we found out that she, along with her friends, had created an Instagram and SnapChat account (not that this was a huge problem as I recognised that this was another way for her to communicate with her friends).

The main problem was that being an immature 11-year-old (at the time) she accepted any followers - and I mean anyone! Her moto was, “if in doubt, accept!”

This horrified us. Looking through her account there were various images of scantily clad men and women, clearly the less to wear the better. Their ages seemed to be around 20, a LOT older than her.

So we sat her down, once I had left Earth orbit, flown past Jupiter and returned a little calmer. We tried to explain the dangers of what she was doing and what this could lead to, but it didn't go particularly well.

We had the now staple looks to the ceiling, the huffing and associated puffing and my all-time favourite (only kidding) flapping of the arms and talking to us like we were something that she'd just scraped off her shoe. 

Taking deeps breaths (sucking in air like it was laced with something helpful) we tried our best to show her that not everyone was who they say they were or that she should just connect with anyone.

Later, with this little life chapter addressed and with the acknowledgment that she could have a Facebook account when she was 13, we thought that it was over, even if there was no fat lady singing. 

How wrong we were!

My husband stumbled upon a Facebook account in her name. When we looked into it she had friend requests from men ranging in ages from their 20's to their 50's, trying to pass themselves off as 12 themselves (oh yes, they knew her age but weren't even slightly bothered).

Via the Facebook Messenger they were asking her to send them pictures of herself naked - thankfully she never did - and demanded (quite aggressively) that she enter into video chats with them. They had certainly not shied away from sending pictures of themselves.

I have never seen so many varying pictures of penises in my life. they knew she was 12, we could see where she had written this to them. The conversations were inane. If they weren't asking for pictures within the second or third message, the conversations went like this;

Man: bb (presume this means "baby")
Her: Hi
Man: Hi
Her: Hi
Man: Hi
Her: Hi
Man: Hi
Her: Hi
Man: I want to be your friend send me a pic
Her: Why
Man: You are beautiful (from her profile pic)
Her: thanks
Man: I’ve sent you a pic

Cue a deluge of penis pictures and videos of couples engaged in graphic sexual acts. As a parent I felt hopeless and horrified.

The only picture she sent, after what appeared to be some intense badgering, was a picture of her new bra. I thought she was growing up, with the expected developments and this was her next stage into adulthood. What I hadn’t taken into account was that we would find a picture of said new bra on Facebook Messenger.

This chat was repeated by many men on her account. I was scared for what she was getting herself into and also scared that she was entering a world that we couldn’t fully protect her from. 

I am not on Facebook myself and my feelings are that it is no friend. Some might be in between, seeing it as a "Frenemy", sometimes a friend, sometimes an enemy. I am sure it can be a force for good, like Luke Skywalker, but as I have only seen evidence of the dark side, more Emperor Palpatine, so I cannot see it. My daughter's Facebook account, along with SnapChat and Instagram have been taken over by my husband who is electronically tackling each one of the messages with the kind of verve that only a Dad can. 

Our daughter is alive (just, by the skin of her teeth!) and she is guiltily sulking in her bedroom, which is a safer place for her right now, minus devices. Although I am extremely mad with her I am livid with the men who target these innocent children for their own gratification. 

It's every parent's nightmare.

Here are some links & videos below that my husband and I have put together to help anyone that feels as hopeless and as afraid as I do.
Specific links relevant to this topic are as follows;

Risks Children Face Online: Grooming


Personal Information


Caught in the Web

Comments

  1. Anonymous30 July 2017 at 14:39

    Some useful links for sharing with young teens who have questions as well... just in case it helps anyone! xx

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/bwytJQcDBXDfLGlVb0vHCk/category-sex-relationships

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/5VPkfNx0yWSW337c9tp49cr/sexting

    http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexandyoungpeople/Pages/Sex-and-young-people-hub.aspx

    http://www.themix.org.uk/sex-and-relationships

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  2. Obsessivemom31 July 2017 at 09:46

    It's frightening what Facebook can do. I am so glad you got to step in before any real damage was done. I hope your daughter always stays safe.

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  3. Unknown8 August 2017 at 09:45

    We have had so many issues with social media. It's so scary how vulnerable our children are. They are so easily exploited. So easily led. Mine have had chats similar to yours, but encouraged to self harm, commit suicide, to meet up with an adult male and so on. I have access to mines Facebook, I monitor occasionally, thank goodness I did. If it is something you would consider, agree to her having social media accounts if you have access, then she has nothing to hide.
    Have a look at my blog The Chat, Messenger and Be Kind for starters. It was so much easier without social media! But that's what we have these days! Sending much love. X
    https://meandminimees.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete

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