23-Year-Old Know-It-All Parent?

The other day whilst I was at university (I am studying Child Development and Behaviour) a discussion started up in the cafe, centered around children and specifically their teenage years. I had mentioned that I have a 12-year-old daughter with the attitude of a 15-year-old. This was met with expressions of shared despair from some, generally the ones that were parents themselves and disbelief that I was so blunt about it, from a young 23-year-old fellow student.

In our house something really interesting must be written on our ceiling (visible only to the non-adults), as eyes are constantly rolled upwards, especially when my husband and I speak. This is unless we're saying, “yes you can have your mobile whilst doing your homework”. But we never say that, so the eyes stay fixed skywards. We are evil, of course, saying that she must do her homework or even, God forbid, play with the gerbils that she literally begged for just a couple of years before.

Whilst at university a fellow student, not in the same circle that I share my coffee breaks with, told the room that parents "need to get more in touch with their children", particularly when they are reaching that tricky part in life called puberty. Parents, she declared, should be able to know exactly how they are feeling. Excuse me?

Are we really able to do this? When I grew up there were no mobile phones, Charlie's Angels was on the telly and was the subject of playground games and I spared no thoughts about how thin they were, what was ultra-cool to wear or how to act. No, I just bumbled along with my friends, having a good-old-time. It was all about getting out and having good old fashioned fun. But this just isn't the case now. With the onslaught of social media playing a huge role in dictating how you should, or shouldn’t look or act, it makes being 12 much more difficult and complicated.

I cannot pretend to know the kind of things she is going through, as I didn’t have the same pressures as her. Bullies were left in the playground when normal family life was resumed at home with family and friends. Now there is no escaping bullies and messages that have appeared on my daughter's 'phone that would make anyone's hair curl – apart from mine, as it's naturally curly anyway, so it rests in a permanent state of shock. Life just seems to be harder at 12 now than it was when I was 12. Would I not sound like a hypocrite if I told her that I understood? More to the point would she believe me?

So yes, I did disagree with the 23-year-old, with bags of time ahead to gain more life experience, for having children and the dilemmas that go with it. When we're single with no children, or married with no children, it's very hard to really understand the daily pressures that children can bring to the table. I feel that I would be patronising by telling my daughter that I knew what she was going through. So I take the moods and the ceiling reading and wait (not always patiently) for her to tell me what’s bothering her, so I can just listen and pray that while she is still telling me what’s hurting her there is still trust and hope for me as a Mum.